Thursday, February 19, 2009

Good news and the bad.

Hello Everyone,

I post this with a heavy heart but trying to look on the bright side. Taking the good things with the bad is part of life right?
Well, I stayed on the Metformin, still juggling between the 2 and the 3 pills a day. Funny thing, my mother in law came out about two weeks ago and I had a "surge" of hormones. Possibly stress? I don't know, but it happened. I had symptoms of ovulation and was really trying not to get optimistic about it, but figured something was going on down there.
Needless to say, about a week later my chest started to hurt. I didn't think anything of it and had wine and a few rum and cokes over the weekend but still, thought maybe it was just my ovaries "waking up". I haven't had an actual period in so long that I wasn't expecting anything to come of this sudden surge of hormones. Boy was I wrong.
Two days ago I took a pregnancy test and got a very faint line. Shocking, to say the least. I had looked at that test about 15 times an hour, just staring at the second line wondering how my life was going to change, but still not trying to get "too" hyped because the line was so faint... anything could happen. I asked Bill (my husband) to get a few more tests and to bring them home for me to retest with.
He came home with the EPT +/- test and I took it as soon as he walked in the door. I had been "holding it" in anticipation, lol. I watched the test while it was working and felt my heart drop when I saw no other line form. I waited and kept looking at it. I held it to the light, turned it upside down, took the strip out.. everything- still no line. Bill and I ended up fighting all evening. I guess I was so upset and discouraged that I kind of took it out on him. I went to bed slightly crampy, still with a sore chest, still feeling hormonal...

I woke up this morning tempted to use the other test to see if the line would appear today but didn't want to go through another negative, so didn't take it. By 10 am, I started cramping harder and used the rest room to see AF rear her ugly head.

This is bitter sweet for me because yes, it was hard to see that line.. but hey!!! I Ovulated!! My egg fertilized! Did it stick? no... but I actually ovulated! Hallelujah! I can look at this as a loss, but I take it as a good sign. All is not lost and there is hope that maybe someday I can get pregnant again but maybe with medical help to *keep* the baby.

Bill has asked me to wait until we get back to the US and for me to see a specialist. He'd like for me to lose some weight and see if I can get my periods regular so that I don't have to take so much medication, and he'd like to be promoted in the military first. I can see what he means. I am okay with that.

So I just wanted to let you all know that yes, the Metformin is working. I am going to work harder and losing weight and being more consistent with my medicine.
If you are still a follower of this blog, thank you for you interest. I hope I can keep inspiring others to not give up. It's harder for us, but makes it so much more worth it when the good things happen. I can't believe having a period and ovulating has become such a big "thing" in my life where before I would just complain about it happening and gripe that I had to deal with the cramps. I miss the cramps and the consistency and all of the hormones... lol I miss not plucking my chin and not worrying about cancer. But I ovulated and that is a good sign.. and I am going to walk away thinking about that and not the faint line. Maybe someday I will get a dark line and have a healthy pregnancy, but for now, ovulation is good.